Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
