Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
