I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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