remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Randomize
