ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
