so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
