I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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