I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Randomize
