now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
His hands were made for my vagina.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
