walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
