just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize