How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
