the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
