how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
