Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
