My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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