i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
