dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize