I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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