so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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