I feel like abortions should bother me more
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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