So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
