She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
