when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
