okay pat passed out under dana's car
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
