I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
