Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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