dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize