and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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