you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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