i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
This is the high leading the old right now
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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