Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
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