Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize