I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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