you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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