I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I want to fling myself into the sun
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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