Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
