Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
