she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
He shit in the fireplace
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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