Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
everyone is single if you try hard enough
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
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