I just made out with a guy for $7.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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