Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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