Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
