U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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