Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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