Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I'm just crazy horny about you
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
