so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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