I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
40s are totally the cure
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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