SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
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