Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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