You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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