Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
