On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
i out mim tonsoeep
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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