I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
