Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
