By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
