atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
