As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
