I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
sarcasm needs its own font
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
