Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(651): View more from Minnesota

nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent

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(805): View more from California

Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?

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(646): View more from New York

I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.

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(901): View more from Tennessee

He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.

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(586): View more from Michigan

Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning

(215): View more from Pennsylvania

My face left an imprint in the loaf...

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(914): View more from New York

Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME

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(503): View more from Oregon

I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.

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