Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
