i wish semen tasted like chocolate
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
