Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Randomize
