OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
