Where is the hickey?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
