420 ftw
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
