Acid is not a monday night drug
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize