oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
