Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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