Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Randomize
