it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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