I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
