check it out our google latitudes are spooning
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
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