i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
