Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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