Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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