two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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