Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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