we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
my shit smells like andre
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
