i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
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